Love is like a porcupine...

I came across an interesting idea the other day...

Being in love will at some point or another be difficult. My opinion is that if it doesn't get difficult at times then you're doing it wrong. Unfortunately, for many of us, we tend to cut loose at the first sign of trouble, which invariably leaves us feeling lonely and confused.

Why can't I find anyone? What's wrong with me? Whats wrong with them?

Well, the reality is that love is work. Love is a process, not a state. It changes and grows as much as any human being does. Just like us humans it gets sick and sometimes it dies. But that shouldn't and doesn't stop us from trying to attain it.

The trick is knowing when to work at it and when to leave it behind. For the most part I believe that one should always try to work at it. There are good reasons for sticking to it and working it out. Be careful not to just give up and give in. Don't be a doormat, but do realise that working to find a solution is better than running away because in every relationship half the problems (at least) are yours. When you run, you inadvertently take your baggage with you. And then you wonder why all your relationships end up with similar problems.

Unfortunately, our selves and our partners are not always on the same page when it comes to getting what we want out of a relationship. And this leads to conflict. The irony is that we are really only trying to be loved, and trying to love. But when we clash we put up our shields and draw our swords to defend what we believe and want. We end up hurting each other and ourselves.

As Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says in her book Make Up, Don't Break Up ~

"Like two porcupines in an igloo, you want to get close enough to stay warm, but not so close that you prick each other"

Bearing in mind that you chose this person because they made you feel special. And assuming you have the desire to help them feel loved. Don't you think it's worth trying to work it out?

And if not, why not? What's the big issue? And why is it unworkable? If you manage to answer these questions you may find that many of your seemingly insurmountable issues have a basic core that can be worked with and healed.

Lastly, you can never make someone change. There is no force on earth that can make a person change without their own desire to do so. The corollary to this is that you have the power to change yourself. Not to give in, but to pursue your own ideals. To live the life you want to live for yourself. If the other person see's that you are not attacking them or their decisions they may be inspired to be a part of your amazing new life. You have the power to create a brilliant, bold and happy life that attracts others to you. If you can be happy within yourself, then you have the potential to attract happiness from others and to make others limitlessly happy. So forget trying to subdue others to your will. Be the change you want to see. If they don't tag along then leave them behind. You're making your life. Let them make theirs

Be free.