Beautiful Masks

"We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

I guess that everyone wears a mask at some time in their life, if not at all times. They must surely serve a purpose and hopefully are of good use to you. But in the end the mask is not you. It is not who you really are. Who you need to be.

"We are betrayed by what is false within."~George Meredith

And eventually the pretence falls away and reveals you, naked and scared, to all those whom you sought to deceive. The sad irony is that as long as you wear the mask you cannot be loved for who you are. People may fall in love with the mask, and be disappointed by who you really are when it comes off.

Suppose we removed the mask before we get involved with others... Wouldn't it be wonderful to know that you are being accepted for who you are? To be loved on account of your inner beauty and including all your imperfections?

And how infinitely beautiful could it be if we knew, in our heart of hearts, that the other person is truly who they appear to be because they have removed their mask for you? Could you imagine a greater way to be loved?

One needs ask oneself:

What mask am I wearing? And why?

*Please note that I do not own any rights to this photograph.

Love is like a porcupine...

I came across an interesting idea the other day...

Being in love will at some point or another be difficult. My opinion is that if it doesn't get difficult at times then you're doing it wrong. Unfortunately, for many of us, we tend to cut loose at the first sign of trouble, which invariably leaves us feeling lonely and confused.

Why can't I find anyone? What's wrong with me? Whats wrong with them?

Well, the reality is that love is work. Love is a process, not a state. It changes and grows as much as any human being does. Just like us humans it gets sick and sometimes it dies. But that shouldn't and doesn't stop us from trying to attain it.

The trick is knowing when to work at it and when to leave it behind. For the most part I believe that one should always try to work at it. There are good reasons for sticking to it and working it out. Be careful not to just give up and give in. Don't be a doormat, but do realise that working to find a solution is better than running away because in every relationship half the problems (at least) are yours. When you run, you inadvertently take your baggage with you. And then you wonder why all your relationships end up with similar problems.

Unfortunately, our selves and our partners are not always on the same page when it comes to getting what we want out of a relationship. And this leads to conflict. The irony is that we are really only trying to be loved, and trying to love. But when we clash we put up our shields and draw our swords to defend what we believe and want. We end up hurting each other and ourselves.

As Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says in her book Make Up, Don't Break Up ~

"Like two porcupines in an igloo, you want to get close enough to stay warm, but not so close that you prick each other"

Bearing in mind that you chose this person because they made you feel special. And assuming you have the desire to help them feel loved. Don't you think it's worth trying to work it out?

And if not, why not? What's the big issue? And why is it unworkable? If you manage to answer these questions you may find that many of your seemingly insurmountable issues have a basic core that can be worked with and healed.

Lastly, you can never make someone change. There is no force on earth that can make a person change without their own desire to do so. The corollary to this is that you have the power to change yourself. Not to give in, but to pursue your own ideals. To live the life you want to live for yourself. If the other person see's that you are not attacking them or their decisions they may be inspired to be a part of your amazing new life. You have the power to create a brilliant, bold and happy life that attracts others to you. If you can be happy within yourself, then you have the potential to attract happiness from others and to make others limitlessly happy. So forget trying to subdue others to your will. Be the change you want to see. If they don't tag along then leave them behind. You're making your life. Let them make theirs

Be free.

4 Years On...

Wow..... 4 years and 5 posts... This counts as an EPIC FAIL!!

Either way, I guess it's a learning curve, albeit a slow one. Especially difficult to grasp just what it is I'm learning here.

Life in general, on the other hand, has been busy. Full of learning and full of failure. Full of success too. And full of growth.

One would imagine this to be a good thing , right? Well so far it's stood me in good stead- but here I go again, getting ahead of myself.

Well kids, here's the lesson plan:

Lesson 1: Don't wait around for love.

If someone wants to be a part of your life, they'll be there. With the exception of extremely shy people, most potential suitors will want to engage with you. They'll want to hear your voice, and see your face.

Do you know that 'butterflies in your tummy' feeling? The one that you get when you think of that special person? Well, if that person has them for you, you'll know about it. If you're not sure, it's probably because the other person isn't sure. And if they're not sure about you, don't stick around... You deserve someone who's sure.

Lesson 2: If you like someone, tell them.

Don't just think that things will magically work out. You're going to want to tell them anyway, so just get it over and done with. That way, you give the other person a chance to respond. And if they like you, things will move along from there at their own pace. If the other person is not sure- see Lesson 1...

Lesson 3: Don't let your insecurities get the better of you.

We all have them. Some of us deal with them, most of us don't. We all get screwed over by them at some stage. The point is to acknowledge that they exist and try to grow through them. I mean accept them, understand them, and try not to let them rule you. Most of the hurt we sustain in this world, we bring upon ourselves. When we stop blaming others we can start to catch ourselves before we fall. granted, it's easier said than done. But who said it would be easy? I will say that it's worthwhile though...

Lesson 4: Stress is the gap between your expectations and reality.

Other people don't disappoint you- you simply give them expectations that they do not achieve. Does that reflect on your character? Does that somehow diminish who you are? No, it doesn't! Their failure to live up to your expectations is not your problem. Accept that you are disappointed because you expected something, and learn to let those expectations go. Same goes for success and failure. Set goals and work towards them, but realise that the stress of failure is simply a product of whether you met your expectations or not. Go into it with the process, and not the goal, in mind. Do a job well for the sake of doing it well, not for the outcome.

Lesson 5: Try to take a positive attitude to everything.

Attitude ~ (noun) A personal view of something.

Thats right folks- it's entirely yours. That a-hole who just cut you off at the intersection isn't to blame for your frustration. You are. Don't believe me? Try telling a 5 year old that he shouldn't laugh when someone farts in public. Hard to get him to listen right? Well eventually he learns that he shouldn't find it amusing, and guess what? At age 30 he doesn't find it amusing anymore. Why? Because he has slowly changed his attitude towards it. The operative word being 'changed'. Yes you can! You have the control over your attitude that is necessary to eliminate 90% of life frustrations. The other 10% are problems such as nuclear war or your death... But at least you could go to your grave smiling- if you had the right attitude...

Lesson 6: Actions speak louder than words.

Yours and theirs. Want to know what someone really thinks? Look at what they do. I never met someone who kept a promise, without actually keeping that promise. It's like the idea that unexpressed gratitude is actually ingratitude. You can have the best intentions in the world, but unless you actually say thank you, you're being ungrateful. Likewise with other people. If they say something hold off on believing them until you see the proof. Whether it's a changed behaviour or a different perspective, you have to see it to believe it.

Lesson 7: Have your own opinions.

They may be stupid, irrelevant or uneducated but at least your problems are your own. Remember that being somebody you're not means having problems that aren't yours and dealing with crap that isn't about you. And that's more tiring than it's worth. I would say be yourself, but that's far too vague, since most people grow on a daily basis. So rather test your beliefs and find your grounded opinions. They may change over time, but they're a great anchor for you at the moment.

Lesson 8: Live in the present.

Worry gets you nowhere. Stop worrying. Especially about the future. Living in the present doesn't mean ignoring the future. It means working with what you have, and what you have is the present. The future holds no guarantees, so don't try to form it. Rather do the best with what you have right now, and the future will unfold as it does. It's like a paper mill. The quality of paper mulch you produce now feeds into the machine of life, and determines the quality of paper that comes out in the future. But it's still blank paper that will be written on by you and the universe. So do your best right now, and you'll have a good background for your works of art later on.

Lesson 9: Treat your body well.

Your body is not a temple. It doesn't just stand there and look impressive. It's a living, moving, working organism. And it holds all of you. It needs maintenance and it needs to be kept in working order. Push it sometimes, and indulge it at other times. But whatever you do, don't waste it. You don't have to be Adonis or Venus. Being healthy may not necessarily mean going to gym every day or eating celery and tuna every meal. Being healthy is a journey that you walk every day, step by step. Being healthy is a decision. Take it easy at first. No matter how far along the path you are, there's always an improvement to be made. And remember that health is not the absence of illness, its the presence of vitality. It's never too late, nor is it ever unimportant. Get going.

Lesson 10: Let go of fear.

Living a life with less fear takes a certain amount of courage. But stop and think for a second how much fear holds you back. In almost every area of your life. Seriously consider what you might do if you knew you could not fail. Lets admit that we will fail, a lot. But why is this such a bad thing? If we learn from every failure then we grow from every failure. So see it as a path to growth and expansion. And then also see it as a path to fulfilling your dreams. Who could say that a life of fulfilled dreams is worse than a life of wishing but never acting? Let go of fear, and take a risk. It will hurt sometimes, but one day it'll be the greatest moment of your life. And along the way, you'll gain strength, self-assurance and make new and exciting discoveries. So what are you waiting for?