Be Brave... Be Vulnerable

"It is not necessary to be strong in every place if, in the place you are vulnerable, you are loved." ~ Robert Brault


The constant tension between being strong and independent and simultaneously open to receiving  love and care is a lot harder than I first thought. Perhaps it's only me. Perhaps I am just an unfortunate collection of experiences and emotions that makes it difficult for me to allow myself the luxury, or the necessity, of being dependent on someone else for some emotional support. There is always the worry that I'll lose something. Lose the love, lose the safety, lose the ability to be strong for myself. But as I move along in the world I am learning that it is through love, through accepting that I am loved, that I am growing in strength.
The irony is that I am the people pleaser, the doormat, the emotional scaffolding for other people in many areas of my life. Yet, I am the emotionally detached one on many levels. It's not that I don't want to give- it's that I haven't learnt how to. And now, I find myself in a position where I want to give of myself. More than ever before, I feel the urge to be able to free myself from the emotional strictures of a Spartan, but I have only one method of learning; Trial and Error.
Trial
Being taken out of my comfort zone and not having an excuse, an explanation or a desire to give up. Dragging myself through an emotional fire-storm that threatens to consume my very soul. Some emotions are useful and others are not. Some are poisonous and some hurt while they heal. But they all teach us something about ourselves. To be put in a position where you not only question your motives, but your very emotions as well- that is a Trial.
Error
Realising, after the fact, that you've stuffed up. Wanting to change what you've done, said, felt. Knowing that you can't. Hoping that in future you'll see yourself coming and avoid the catastrophe that is you. This is Error.
Having the strength to tolerate Trial and forgive yourself for Error is the basis of Vulnerability. The acceptance of Vulnerability is the work of Bravery.


Be Brave...Be Vulnerable